The Better Part of Valor

I use this forum for lots of reasons, not the least of which is to share what I've learned after thirty years of marriage. So here goes. I hate to burst anyone's bubble but to all you engaged or newly married readers out there - spoiler alert - I have to tell you, whether you choose to believe it or not, you will wind up keeping a few secrets from your beloved spouse. I'm not talking about the big, hairy, headline-making-Dr. Phil kind of secrets like "I had an affair with my husband's grandfather" or "I shoplifted enough items to open my own boutique", I'm talking about the "what he doesn't know won't hurt me" kind of secrets; the ones that don't do any real damage but save a lot of unnecessary (not to mention unpleasant) conversation.

For instance. The other day we were out shopping. My dear husband (henceforth referred to as DH) had come along to keep me company as I purchased a Father's Day gift for my DF (I might as well keep the stupid acronyms going). Okay, his presence may have had something to do with the fact that I was going to one of his favorite electronics stores but, nevertheless, he dropped what he was doing to hang out with me.

After finding an inexpensive MP3 player that I hoped would replace the Walkman that my dad currently employs when he mows the lawn, I left my husband browsing while I hit the cashier's line. When I reached into my purse for my one-and-only credit card, it wasn't there. Panic set in. I tried to remember when I had last used it and where I could have possibly put it. I'm not known as the most organized person (I may have mentioned that once or twice) but I always put this particular card  in the first slot of my wallet and now it was gone.

I switched to Plan B, pulled out my debit card, and put on a game face when my DH asked if I had paid. I knew I had two choices - tell him about the missing card, in which case I would have to listen to a rather lengthy lecture about my carelessness and an urgent insistence that we call the credit card company to cancel our card, or say "yep, all set" and get my ass home as quickly as possible to look through every pants pocket in my closet.

Guess which one I chose?

You'll be relieved to know that within the hour, I had found the card in a pair of shorts I had worn the day before. No harm, no foul. And if you're sitting there thinking you would have done it differently, I have to ask you. Do you honestly think you'll always tell your husband the price of that dress you bought for your cousin's wedding? Or what exactly you did when you had a couple of margaritas with your girlfriends? Or how you feel every time you watch Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends?

Liar.

I've Got a Secret

There have been studies that reveal that men use an average of three thousand words a day while women use an average of five thousand. All I can say is, there's must be a woman somewhere who isn't saying a word to make up for my five digit daily verbal barrage.

I've always had a bit of trouble keeping my mouth shut. My mom tells me that I've always been quite chatty, to the point of being afraid I would walk off with one of the nice strangers polite enough to listen to my endless yammering. As I got older, I did manage to curtail my incessant need to speak after being made aware (by fed up friends) that others had a right to chime in once in a while, too. My need to express myself and every feeling or opinion that I've ever had has gotten me in trouble more than I'd like to acknowledge. But it's never really stopped me. Until now.

My son has informed me that the reason he doesn't share more of his life with me is my "big mouth". He's afraid that I won't respect his privacy. He's afraid I'll reveal embarrassing confidences to my friends over lunch. And, you know what? He has every right to be afraid.

So, I've promised him I'll do better. I've promised him that I'm going to regain his trust and show him that I can keep his secrets. I've promised him that I'll stop myself before diving into any conversation that I know would embarrass him. Now I just have to do it.