One Beautiful Bride

I am now a mother-in-law. Yesterday, my little girl, the one who used to dress up in Belle's ball gown and Dorothy's ruby slippers, stepped into her own fairytale dress and walked down the aisle to say yes to her Prince Charming.

It wasn't your typical wedding. The "church" was a multi-purpose room decorated by the hands and hearts of family and friends. The "after party" was held at the church center and included a homemade cake and champagne followed by a little dancing and fellowship. The "reception" was an intimate dinner for thirty-five at a local Italian restaurant instead of an over-the-top banquet hall extravaganza for 250.

It was nothing like I once envisioned and so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Our girl didn't need all that other stuff. She got exactly the day she wanted, simple and personal and every bit as special as she is. She walked down the makeshift aisle with a smile that wouldn't quit. She glowed as she promised to forever love and honor the grinning young man at her side. She sat at the piano (yes, she did) and sang a love song she had written for her new husband and brought the entire room to tears.

My husband and I could do nothing but look on with pride and more than a few sniffles. After a rough couple of years, our daughter was happy; truly and completely happy. She sailed through the rest of her big day with ease and grace. Through it all, I never saw one minute of doubt; one shred of nerves; one iota of stress. Unlike a lot of brides, she enjoyed every minute of the day and she did her best to make sure that everyone else did too.

While she and our new son-in-law are off on a well-deserved honeymoon in the Mexican sunshine, my husband and I are trying to catch our breath. But it's going to take more than a day or two to get used to this new reality - the one where our child is gone for good. Oh, we know she'll be back for dinner on a regular basis; we know she'll be back to "borrow" that black sweater with the silver buttons but it won't ever be the same. This is it. After years of teaching, caring, and worrying we've finally arrived at the day that we knew was coming; the day we have to relinquish our child to someone else.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing that she just may have found someone who actually deserves her.

Big News

It's tough sometimes to react the way people want you to when they share big news. I'll bet no one who knew Nadiya Suileman (better known as the Octomom) was jumping up and down when she announced she was pregnant with her 7th - 14th children. Families who get the announcements that their son has joined the Marines or their daughter is moving to Tanzania with a guy she met at Buffalo Wild Wings know what I'm talking about. It's hard to be as excited as your kids want you to be when you have a few reservations about what they've decided to do.

I guess I'm feeling this way because our daughter just announced her engagement. He's a great guy and treats her like a queen. They met a church and he doesn't have one visible tattoo. Yeah, I know - what's the problem? I should shut up and start calling banquet halls, right? The truth is, I'm a little worried about how fast everything's moving. I know she's a big girl and I should just butt out but c'mon, we all know that that's not going to happen.

I'm trying my hardest to be as over-the-moon about all this as she is. I even bought her a Brides Magazine today, hoping to show her I'm not trying to rain all over her parade. Like every mother of the bride before me, I love my daughter to death and I want nothing more than her continued happiness as she heads off into the sunset with her Prince Charming.

Can I help it if I'd prefer that the ride wasn't jet-propelled?

Here Comes the Bride . . . Again

Tonight I went to another wedding - not such an unusual event for me this summer. As always, the bride was beautiful and the vows were heartfelt. This time the ceremony was held in an old chapel and the couple was fortunate enough to be blessed with one of the few days of the entire summer that didn't crack ninety degrees. But these nuptials were different for another reason - the bride has been my daughter's best friend since sixth grade. I couldn't help but tear up watching these beautiful young women walk down the aisle. How was it possible? It didn't seem so long ago that I was attending their chorale concerts or chaperoning their senior party. Now, here I was watching one of them get married knowing my own child's turn was just around the corner.

I don't know why any of this should surprise me. My daughter still lives with us. I get daily reminders that she's not that little girl I sometimes fantasize about. I see the size of her shoes (not to mention her bra), I hear (I can't help it, her bed is on the other side of our wall) her late night conversations with members of the opposite sex, and I watch her drive off to a full-time job Monday through Friday. Despite those reminders, I still can't quite wrap my arms around the fact that she's a grown woman capable of making choices and decisions without seeking out her mother's approval.

I can't promise anything but maybe I'll be able to by the time she's the one with the veil.

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn

If everything does have a season, this is certainly the season for weddings. This weekend I attended my third in as many months and my second involving a child of a long time friend.  The best thing about this wedding was that I got to spend a weekend with a group of people I've known for thirty years.  I've written about them before because they're well worth writing about; four couples that have laughed and cried  through dating, marriages, births, job losses, deaths of parents and now this - watching the little people we created grow up and start their own families.

The wedding locale was beautiful, set in a rustic lodge in a state park.  We were all looking forward to a couple of days spent enjoying the great outdoors; hiking (if our knees held out), canoeing (if the river didn't smell like dead fish), and sitting out on the veranda enjoying a glass (or two) of wine  (no need to worry about working body parts for that one).  Funny how a little thing like 104 degree temperatures and 90% humidity will squelch any hopes for outside activity.  But what did we care?  We were together and we were going to have fun.

We hunkered down in the air conditioning, pitched in to help with wedding details, and did our best to hydrate.  (Doesn't frozen custard drowned in hot fudge help you stay hydrated?)  We also talked about everything from religion to tennis; job worries to vacation plans; doctor visits to movies.  When you know someone as long as we've known each other, there's a shorthand that takes over. You know you can be yourself; that there's nothing you can't share.  We'll call each other on whatever we have to, we'll lend a shoulder if anyone needs one, and we'll have a (gentle) laugh or two at each others' expense.   And, oh, yeah, we'll be there for each other no matter what.

As I watched our friends' daughter say her "I dos", I couldn't help noticing she seemed to have a great group of friends. They had all gone to high school and/or college together and seemed a tight-knit, supportive group that had a lot of fun in each others' company.

I can only hope they find a way to end up three decades from now with what we and their parents have - a circle of lifelong friends that can make you smile through just about anything.

Wedding Bell Blues

It's finally here - the onslaught of weddings that will occupy considerable space on my calendar for the foreseeable future officially started this past weekend. First up was the wedding of a young man I've known since birth. His parents are part of a circle of friends that have graced our lives for the last thirty years. We all got married together, we had children together and now we are moving into the inevitable role of father/mother of the bride/groom.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, the kind of day that cements June's reputation as the perfect wedding month. The bride and groom were right off the top of that cake, the venue was charming; heck, even the food was good. So where was my previously incurable romantic self hiding during all the festivities? And who was that cynical, considerably older persona that had taken her place?

It might have had something to do with being married for almost three decades. As much as I want to believe that two young people can find their soul mates and live happily ever after, I'm realistic enough to know how tough that happily ever after thing is; how challenging it can be to share your life with another human being, even if, against all odds, you end up picking the right one.

So, tonight I'll be saying a prayer for all the couples committing themselves to each other in front of God and family. I'll pray they won't give up when the you-know-what hits the fan. I'll pray they weather adversity with humor and kindness.

And I'll pray that thirty years from now, they'll still look at each other the way they did on a warm, sunny day in June.

A Sure Thing

The last page of O magazine, that paragon of journalistic virtue, is entitled 'What I Know For Sure'. There's usually a candid photo of Oprah looking all wise and relaxed as she hits us with some more of her hard-earned life lessons. The fact that she also sneaks in a plug or two for one of her shows on her failing OWN network is beside the point. The woman still has things to teach us, damn it, and she's going to use whatever outlets (bearing her name and/or logo) available to her to ensure that we all start living that better life that she wants for each and every one of us. I've read a few of these two-minute therapy sessions (in the check-out line or doctor's office, of course) and it got me thinking. What do I know for sure?

Well, I know that I will never, ever get another perm, even when all the other gray-haired ladies in the nursing home are wrapping their wiry locks around those plastic rods. I also know that I would rather visit my gynecologist than get stuck in an elevator with any of the Kardashians. And I know, without a shadow of any doubt, that the two people whose wedding I witnessed over the weekend are going to be spending the rest of their earthly lives (and probably their eternal lives as well, even though some people don't believe in that kind of thing) enjoying each others' company.

It strikes me as somewhat ironic that the same week People magazine blasted the news that Brad and Angie were finally getting hitched, I had the privilege of being a part of a real union; a wedding of two, honest-to-goodness soul-mates. They met on Match.com and, if this company had any sense, they would snap these two up for every commercial in their foreseeable future. Just watching them interact with one another for thirty seconds would send singles all over America rushing to their computers to sign up.

From the minute they announced their engagement, everyone who knew them well knew this would be no ordinary wedding. And they did not disappoint. From beginning to end (five days of partying, cooking, talking, and laughing) the event was filled with personal touches reflecting the bride and groom's love and respect for one another. Humor was everywhere from the vows to the toasts to the re-enactment of Beyonce's Put a Ring on It. Since the couple and most of their friends are struggling actors, writers, and musicians trying to make it in L.A., guests were treated to the most entertaining wedding of their lives but never did it feel staged or theatrical. It was truly a serious commitment surrounded by joyous, heartfelt creative expression. And it was a blast.

But this isn't really about loving each other on one perfect day. It's about finding someone you can stand to be with for the next 18,250 of them. I won't be around to collect, but I'd be willing to set down a sizable bet that that's what I just witnessed.

Todd and Erin, you did it. Now sit back and enjoy the next fifty years. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.

I Still Do

There's nothing like a wedding to get us old married folks to take a look at the state of our own unions. Sitting in the church, watching a young couple take their first steps down that unknown road of marital highs and lows, you can't help wondering if they have any idea what they're getting into. And how could they? No one knows what Paris is really like until they've actually been there no matter how many times they've seen it in the movies.

The priest, a jovial sort doing his best to emphasize the benefits of committing one's life to another human being, encouraged the bride and groom to communicate and compromise. You could see the glowing couple sharing knowing glances and tender touches as the priest continued to dispense his suggestions for the next fifty years of their lives. 'We've got this' their faces said. Maybe. But from the reactions of the longtime marrieds in attendance, who shared their own knowing glances as well as a few tender jabs in the ribcage anytime the priest hit a nerve, it was clear that it wasn't going to be as simple as Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed might think.

I was flying solo at this particular wedding; my better half had a previous commitment. After sitting through dozens of ceremonies during my nearly twenty-eight years of marriage, I've noticed that my reaction to the festivities has varied greatly. During those early years, I eagerly welcomed new members to "the club" with genuine smiles and congratulatory hugs. Later, when things were tough, it was all I could do to refrain from standing up and shouting, "DON'T DO IT. Whatever you think you're feeling, stop while you still can, strap on a pair of sneakers and head for the exit as fast as you possibly can." Then, there were the times when I'd get weepy, bemoaning the fact that I'd never feel that innocent, hopeful love present in couples that haven't yet had to deal with colicky babies, week-long business trips and forgotten anniversaries.

But this time was different. I didn't feel any of those responses. This time, I felt as much joy for myself as I did for the decked out couple walking down that aisle. My husband and I have made it through two kids, overseas moves, job changes, and menopause. We've struggled through financial disagreements, conflicting priorities and the occasional desire to hire a hit man. It hasn't been easy but getting to the place we are now has certainly been worth everything it took to get us here. I'm proud of us. And I wouldn't trade places with the newlyweds, even if I could.

But if they want to hand over those tickets to Cabo, I just might be persuaded to change my mind.