When All Else Fails. . .

Whenever I'm feeling down and out, I try to buy myself a little something - nothing extravagant (unless you count that Italy trip when I was really, really depressed) just a small treat to remind myself to look on the bright side. Since today hasn't gone well, I'm thinking I'm ready for that indulgence and tomorrow I'm going shopping - for a new lipstick.

Before you think that this blog is turning into a commercial for cosmetics (my last one was about finding a great foundation), I have to confess that my search for the perfect lipstick is a never-ending journey of frustration and disappointment. And I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing. They're either too dry, too wet, too dark, too light, too pink, too brown or too glossy. They're either too creamy or not creamy enough. They either make your lips tingle (and not in a good way), wear off within minutes, bleed into the wrinkles above my upper lip or taste terrible. They've landed on the moon, invented the internet and made Honey Boo-Boo famous and no one has been able to create a perfect lipstick. At least not for me.

But I'll keep trying. The other day, when I bought the foundation, the gal tried one of her line's lipsticks on me. Close. It was creamy, it didn't taste bad and the color was flattering. I was almost ready to bite. And then she told me the price - $24.

Like I said, they can't make a perfect lipstick.

Chinese, Wine and Bargains

There is something so powerful about spending time with a bunch of women you care about. What you do doesn't matter. Where you hang out doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is finding time to get together on a regular basis - something me and my gals seem to have had a little trouble with lately. One weekend wasn't about to rectify a year's worth of neglect but no one can say we didn't try.

I was late, as usual, so they start ed without me. By the time I arrived, cranky and tired from driving all day (car shopping with my kid but that's another story), they were already on their second glass of vino. We ordered Chinese and I tried to get less cranky. The wine and the lo mein did their magic and I managed to relax long before we sat down to watch old home videos - yes, home videos. There is nothing that my daughter and her cousin like doing better than watching (and laughing) at younger versions of themselves, making fun of their mothers' (my sister and I, of course) ill-advised wardrobe and hair choices along the way.

When we'd finally had enough tripping down memory lane, we moved on to more conversation. The continued consumption of alcohol made this discussion time a lot more interesting than our earlier version and lasted until our sentences were no longer making sense. We retreated to various beds and started up where we left off six hours later. Congregating on my niece's king-sized bed, we plotted the rest of the day. Now that we'd spent time eating, drinking and talking, there was only one thing left to do - shopping.

We headed for my niece's favorite bargain spot - The Sears Outlet Store. Before you laugh, I can tell you I left that store with five pajama tops and two bottoms and spent less than ten dollars and my daughter came out with a huge bag of work clothes for $26. Not laughing now, are you?

Later there was nothing to do but hug and kiss and promise each other that we would do this again soon. There we were, two generations of women who love hanging out with each other making a spectacle of themselves in the middle of the clearance aisle.

I wonder how soon Sears can restock those racks.

Goodwill Hunting

I don’t normally think of myself as a trailblazer but I’ve been hunting for bargains way before it was fashionable to do so. I’ve braked for garage sales, cleared clearance racks and scoured through consignment shops long before the economic downturn, not because I couldn’t afford to pay retail, but because I just HATED doing so.

I’m happy to report that I’ve passed my cheap gene down to my firstborn child. Today, she invited me to accompany her to the local Goodwill store, an invitation I hastily accepted. I figured walking up and down a resale store’s aisles would be as good a way as any to work off that amazing burger and sweet potato fries we had just polished off at Smashburger’s. (If you haven’t been, go – they know what they’re doing).

The front of the store was full of Halloween-themed items. Too bad I wasn’t in the market for a costume – they had tons. Not sure what might have been living in the fur of that one lion suit, but most of what I saw would have made great trick-or-treat apparel, if only I had anyone around to outfit. Anyway, once I worked my way through the holiday stuff, I arrived at books and music. I didn’t buy anything this time, not even the Greatest Hits of Lesley Gore album, a record I once actually owned, that was in the bin behind the bookshelves.

After deciding that there wasn’t any glassware I couldn’t live without, I walked past the electronics department. There on the shelves were computers, keyboards, and VCRs for a fraction of their original cost. Most of it looked fit for the landfill but then I saw it – an HP printer that looked exactly like the one I had at home, the one that makes that god-awful noise every time it tries to feed the paper. The one on the shelf didn’t have a power or USB cord but that didn’t matter. I had both waiting at home.

My daughter found a pair of fun glasses and I walked out of there with that printer (which actually worked when I got it home) and a wallet that was $4.28 lighter. A great burger, a great bargain and an afternoon with my daughter.

I honestly don’t know which I enjoyed more.

Bargain Queen

There is nothing I like better than a good sale. Since paying retail is against my religion, I am always on the lookout for a great deal. I'm crazy about Costco, love Amazon and brake for garage sales. I have even fallen prey to the charms of HSN hostesses touting items that I never knew I always wanted. In fact, just this week I picked up the phone to buy Wolfgang Puck's electric piemaker. This handy gadget can make two pies (or cakes as the spirit moves me) in 8 minutes AND it was 60% off it's original price. I got it in red. It should be here by Friday.

This time of year is also the time for me to update my summer wardrobe. As soon as I see those big final clearance signs, I know it's my time to attack. I usually make my way through the sale racks at every Talbots and Ann Taylor store within a 30 mile radius and leave with $300 worth of clothes that cost me $35. What could be better than that? Answer: nothing. There is nothing better than getting beautiful, well-made clothes for the same price as their Wal-Mart cousins.

It's clear that God supports me in my mission. Today, when I went back to Talbots to exchange a pair of shorts that turned out to be a bit snug (I know I got them for 75% off but that's no reason to start getting so chintzy with the fabric), I discovered that they only had one pair left - in exactly the size I was looking for. And just to be sure that I hadn't missed anything in my other three visits in the last ten days, I scoured the racks one more time. Sure enough, there was a sleeveless pink and navy top that I had rejected as being too low cut. Having a few minutes to kill, I decided to slip it on and instantly fell in love. Turns out it was only too low on the hanger. Go figure. Fifteen minutes later, I left with a pair of shorts that now actually fits and a to-die-for top that cost me $12.

It's good to be the queen.

Time's Up

There are so many things I miss about having small children in my home - snuggling in bed with a book, the sound of secretive giggling, building with Legos, baking cookies - I could go on and on. One of the things that would not be on that list is going-back-to-school-shopping. Oh, I liked the going back to school part; after a long, chaotic summer I was always excited about that, but the pre-first-day-of-school buying frenzy? That wild goose chase was as much fun as attending a comedy concert in Japanese.

When I see all the harried moms (where are those equal custody dads in all this fun?) tearing around Target and Wal-Mart, looking for the last three-ring binder with pockets in the Tri-State area, I feel nothing but relief. Thank God I don't have to do that anymore. When I see them forking over $100 for one of those graphing calculators that is now collecting dust in my son's closet, I do my best to give them a sympathetic nod. Yeah, I've been there. I know what you're feeling. 'Hang in there', I want to say. 'Soon you'll be able to spend your money on a mani/pedi or a nice dinner out with your husband.' But I don't. I wouldn't want to derail their quest with idle chitchat. I just flash a compassionate smile and get the hell out of their way.

And then I head straight to those cushy chairs and warm, bubbling foot bath that's waiting for me in that nice, little salon that's just around the corner.

Saturday Shopping

I must have been out of my mind. For no good reason, I went to Costco on a Saturday. I didn't really need anything. I have a relatively flexible work schedule and could easily have waited until Monday. So why did I do it? I did need to fill up my car but I could have pulled into the gas lanes, filled the tank and left without anyone getting hurt. But, no. I had to park my car in the next county and go inside.

I thought we were in the middle of an economic crisis. The swarm of humanity roaming the aisles of Costco would seem to say otherwise. Shopping carts loaded with Duggar sized boxes of cereal, kennel sized bags of dog food and peanut butter jars capable of lasting an entire school year met me at every turn. I headed for the bakery section but, as luck would have it, the bread I wanted was nowhere to be found. Weaving in and out of traffic, I helped myself to a sample of organic, sparkling pomegranate juice before coming to my senses and hightailing it out of there. And what did I leave with? One rotisserie chicken, a carton of half and half, and a bag of brussel sprouts. At least my husband is going to eat tonight.