I was hoping to start the New Year with optimism. After finishing the first draft of my first novel in November, I was sure that 2011 was going to be the year; the year of no excuses, the year of fulfilling long held resolutions, the year our family was going to put past difficulties behind us. Instead, the first few days of 2011 have been some of the most challenging moments of my life as a parent.
What do you do when the people you love most in the world let you down? What do you do when the children you've nurtured and supported for more than two decades completely demolish your sense of trust, causing you to question every parenting move you've ever made? If you're expecting me to answer those questions, you're out of luck. After several bottles of wine and a lot of tears I don't have any answers. When your children make mistakes, it's easy to remember your own youth and have compassion. When they compound those mistakes by lying to your face over and over again, taking advantage of all the love and trust you've freely given, it's not so easy.
So, today I sat in the upper balcony in church and prayed for understanding. I asked God to help me get through this latest parenting hurdle with as much love and forgiveness as He can send my way. What I really want to do is change the locks, confiscate their cell phones and car keys and send them out into the real world to fend for themselves. Hopefully, my prayers will be answered with my offspring making amends in a concrete way that allows them to continue to have a roof over their heads without sacrificing my sanity and integrity. Then again, God may answer with the toughest response of all. He might agree with me.
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