The Power of No

The trouble with being a people-pleaser is it doesn’t bring the results you might expect. It doesn’t guarantee you a mailbox full of Christmas cards or a dinner companion when you need one. It doesn’t make people like you. It doesn’t make people respect you. It doesn’t even make people think well of you.

So why do we keep doing it?

Are we so afraid of standing up for ourselves; of voicing a different opinion; of disappointing people we care about that we can’t bring ourselves to say the most powerful two-letter word in the English language? Are we so worried that our refusal to help someone move, work a friend’s shift or turn down an invitation to dinner will result in our actually losing a friend? And, if that is what’s motivating us, what kind of friends and relatives do we have that would toss us to the curb because we chose to do something other than help them load up the van?

I have to admit, I’m a little less apt to cave than I used to be. I would say that my people-pleaser days are pretty much behind me - for everyone except my kids. Maybe that’s the last barricade; the last wall to fall but I still have a tough time not granting my children’s “favor of the hour/day/week”. But tonight I was strong. Tonight I was proud of myself. Tonight I trusted that my mother/child relationship would not hinge on whether or not I granted a favor. I said no (in a very loving way) and, while he sounded disappointed, he didn’t hang up. He didn’t scream that he never wanted to talk to me again. I did feel bad for a minute. But, you know what, the minute passed.

Now, if only I could find the same strength with those damn phone solicitors. Oh yeah, that’s what caller ID is for.